I went up North for cooler air. In Phoenix you have to leave the city to see and feel just a hint of a new season coming. Six years ago I lived in Flagstaff for a year, it was short, yet long enough to leave an impression on my soul.
I knew exactly where I wanted to go, it was a park on the edge of town, with ponds and grass, trees and geese. This was the place I would come to and question the things unfolding in my life. Six years later I know what is true about me and whose I am and I am thankful for the beauty in the process, but this is still my place of solitude and quiet.
I feel my soul searching for a moment or perhaps it’s searching for more then just a moment. I feel like life is going to change much like these leaves, but it’s just a season and then on to the next. But do I feel a peace about the changing leaves, or is that anxiety? I am prone to anxiety over peace much like the rest of the human race, but I want this time in the park up North to be different from six years ago, when I was filled with anxiety.
I want this time to be peaceful.
So with no books to read, no iPod to listen to, not even a friend to talk to, I just stay quiet, because that is when I can start to listen. And I start to hear my shallow breathing and my heart beating fast....anxiety, and I can start to breath deeper and unclench my fists and let the wind carry it away.
Life is a process with many seasons and funerals and weddings and births and new jobs. In these moments I have a choice to make, do I stay, or do I go? Is comfortable just another way of saying I like the filth I’m sitting in? It’s time to move on.
